feeling like the end is near

i feel so depressed some times i just feel like what am i holding on to? what am i fighting for? why am i still here with you. sometimes i wish you were another man. the man that brings me flowers, the man that comes home excited to see me. instead a i got a man who fits everyone into his day but me. as i type i cant help but to cry my heart is so broken!!! no longer do i see a future with you. all i see is me hurting and crying. i know i deserve so much better i want better i want a man who has joy in his eyes after he see's me after a long day of work. i want a man who is excited to come home just to see lil ole me. i want a man who puts me first. i want a man who thinks of my feelings before making a decision. i want someone whose gonna make me happy. im so tired of crying im tired of feeling like everyone comes before me. how can someone make time to make plans for friends but cant make plans to take his wife out. im not happy ive complained ive been a bitch ive tried everything to make him realize. how is it all i think about is being with him but his intentions are the total opposite? i think its that time ive given my all and God knows i love this man with all thats in me but i cant stay and not feel my feeling are returned. how do you end something that youve wanted your whole life. how do u leave someone who means the world to you? how can you love someone with all your heart but know that its not gonna work. how do you leave? sad part is as much pain and hurt that i feel can't leave him i love him too much. i cant see living without him i wanna spend the rest of my life with him but at some point i have to realize what i want sometimes isnt what i need n as much as i love him i dont feel it back i dont feel loved. do i stay and hope things change? dont i derserve to be happy dont i deserve to be loved. my biggest fear is that i stay and end up hating him cause i know he;s not gonna change he's not at the point where im the most important person in his life. its just the infertility makes me feel its not happening for a reason that God is trying to tell me this man is for a season not a lifetime. but why let me fall in love why let me wanna have this mans baby if he's not the one for me why let me love this man for 9 years for nothing? i cant keep hiding unhappiness i cant keep arguring over the same thing over and over again. my marriage needs so much repair im getting to the point where i just wanna quit it all i can be lonely by myself whats the point of being married if u still feel lonely isnt ur mate suppossed to complete you, God i pray for guidance please tell me what to do im so lost and i dont know how to fix it. i dnt know how to fix my marriage i need help please God let me know if this is meant to be show me a sign that this is just a speed bump and happier days are ahead i need some kind of hope i cant do this on my own, my mind is telling me leave i deserve someone who loves me above all but my heart is lost in him. i just feel like ive given and dealt with too much to walk away now or were all those things warnings of the future. were you trying to tell me to get out? its so hard to listen when youre in love its hard to let go when you want something so bad i jut need a lil help if its worth saving help my marriage if not let me know now i cant keep giving him my all if he;s not willing to give his all in return