endometriosis?

just what i need, something else wrong with my womb. like a blocked tube and pco isn't bad enough. AF has been really cruel to me this go around. so painful i stayed in bed for 2 days because it hurt to move. and to make it worse i was so heavy i was going through tampons like every 30 mins. i had a box of 40 super plus that are almost gone now!!! today was the first day i could actually get out of the house. i was telling my mom and she said it sounds like endo. arrrggg. so tomorrow i'm gonna call RE and see he i can schedule a Lap to see whats going on in there. just really praying that's not what it is. i know God won't give us more that we can bear but i'm feeling like im at max capacity!!!

messed up links

i really didn't know how to do it so i think i got it now here are the correct links(i think)

Lisa- The sweet woman who nominated me

America- My nominee

Nancy-My nominee
hope this works lol

The Rose Award

I think this was such a Great and Sweet idea!!! Lisa nominated me and I just cried at the fact that she thought that much of me!!! Sometimes you can feel so alone, then someone lets you know that you're not, and that people are really praying and pulling for you. I really apreciate this Lisa!!!

OK here are the rules...
On your blog, copy and paste the award, these rules, a link back to the person who selected you, and a link to this post: "pink is my favorite color". There's a story of Pink Rose Award and other graphic to choose from.
Select as many award recipients as you would like, link to their blogs (if they have one), and explain why you have chose them.
Let them know that you have selected them for an award by commenting on one of their posts.
If you are selected, pass it on by giving the Pink Rose Award to others.
If you find that someone you want to nominate has already been selected by someone else, you can still honor them by posting a comment on their award post stating your reasons for wishing to grant them the award.
You do not have to wait until someone nominates you to nominate someone else.

and the nominations are...

Nancy- She is one of the most realest people i know on the web. I read her blogs and she makes me laugh with her humor and sarcasm!!! She may not know it but i look at her situation and she brings me so much hope. She has over come so much and i just wish her the best with everything!!!

Franchesska- She is another person who always takes time to see how i'm doing. I want her to know i appreicate her always making me feel like someone is thinking of me. and i wish her the best with her upcoming surgery!!! She's from the ITSG board on WebMd.

America- My best friend who i know always has my back!!! Want you to know i always got your back too. She is a sister to me and i know we may not talk that much anymore but i love you!!! and i'll always be there whenever you need me!!! Good luck with making baby number 2!!!

my sweet husband i love him

i swear he is the sweetest man alive. we talked last night and he was so concerned about how i was and making sure i wans't to down because of the BFN. he really cheered me up just listening to him comfort me. i love that man so much!!!

then he said why don't i just give another sample when i get home? just the fact that he was even thinking about that made me smile. and i would if he had more than 4 days with me. he'd have to go to doc as soon as he got home and i really don't wanna spend our last 4 day together for a year going to the doc that's almost a hour away for just one more try. if he had more time i'd def. do it.

i figure when he gets home in june we'll probably wait a month or two for him to get readjusted to civilian life. then go at it full force!!! nothings gonna stop us!!! so i'm still holding onto hope, and i know that God has a plan for us and everything will happen in time and according to his plan. i know one day we will be parents no matter what road we have to take to get there!!!

crying my heart out!!!

so i poas today and got a BPN!!! ARRRGGGG!!! and soon after af came down. its still spotting but its def. af!!! i think i'm just gonna cancel beta it really makes no sense to go in and get another BFN don't think i could handle that right now!!! i'm so upset and sad. i cried all day then called hubby and told him the news. it just hurts so bad i tried so hard to be positive and it got me no where!!! now we have to wait a whole year ok technically its only 10 months but still a long time!!! i can't imagine waiting that long!!! it feels like its gonna be forever!!!

i just can't believe it was negative!!! i really thought i was pregnant, i'm just so tired now. i feel so drained and all hope is gone. i'm gonna have to do some serious praying i really need strength i feel so weak. pray for me ya'll!!!

so i guess i'll start trying to lose the 50lbs i wanna lose. i'll just focus on that and hopefully hubby will be home in no time and come home to a much healthier wife!!!

also i think i may go on bc to help with the cysts i have on my ovaries. other than that i'm tab for a year.

and to make it worse i gotta worry about hubby being in afganny!!! he leaves n. carolina at the end of august to go there. he's been to iraq before so hopefully afganny won't be as bad!!! i miss him so much!!!

maybe its better we wait til he gets home anyway. that way he can make those midnight trips for icecream lol

i know this blog is all over the place but my mind is going in a million different directions!!!

i want a baby, here's a poem

just a poem that made me smile today... author UNKNOWN

A Child To Love
You can have your wealth and riches.
All the things so many seek;
position, power, and success,
the fame you long to keep.
You can earn as much as you wish,
reach a status high above
But none of these can equal
having one sweet child to love
'Tis the greatest gift form heaven,
little arms that hold you tight,
And a kiss so soft and gentle
when you tuck them in at night.
A million precious questions and
each story often read,
Two eyes so bright and smiling,
and a darling tousled head.
God has never matched the goodness
of a trusting little face,
Or a heart so full of laughter
spreading sunshine every place.
A child to hold and cuddle,
'tis a gift from God above,
And the world is so much brighter
when you have a child to love

marie parton!!!lol

so i'm on cd 24 and did iui on 7/12 so i'm 12dpiui and my boobs are so sore and i swear i look like dolly parton!!! i swear i look like a have two big melons in my tshirt lol!!! really hoping this is a sign of a BFP!!! my boobs don't really get that big with af just soreness. so hopefully this is a good sign!!! Praying for a BFP on 7/29!!!MY MIRACLE IS IN PROGRESS!!!

ANOTHER COUPLE OF VENTS!!!

why must everytime i got into a public washroom it has to be nasty. i know its public but seriously they should be called pigstye washrooms!!! why is it that women have to pee all over the seat i'm mean that's why they have the seat liners, use them for goodness sake!!! and peeing on the floor come on we're all grown do you pee on the floor at home? and please ladies when u have af please flush the toliet. please don't leave that for the next person to see that's just disgusting!!! and please don't try and flush pads THEY DON'T FLUSH ok!!!

i'm so tired of people asking me am i pregnant yet? no dummy if i was i think u'd be able to tell, since if i am this cycle i won't be telling til after first trimester. jeeze i just wanna say leave me the fuck alone!!!stop hounding me. and please no more advice on conceiving. i've tried them all and the little tricks that have worked for you, you stupid fertile person, don't work for me!!! "eat your wheaties", if i have to hear that one more time i'm gonna scream!!!!

and if i hear one more women say they didn't breastfeed because there breast would sag i'm gonna slap em!!! are u serious? are you really that vain? does your beauty really come before your childs health? u really shouldn't tell people that it really makes you look like an ass!!!

and i'm really tired of seeing these fertile women who smoke while pregnant. do you realize what a special miracle is inside of you? why would you put toxins into your body to be passed to your baby? depriving it of the precious oxygen it needs to grow and survive!!! please STOP!!! your baby deserves clean air do what you want to your own body but don't make an innocent baby suffer because of your habit!!!

ok i'm done i just feel really bithcy right now think i'm gonna sleep now that i have all the off my chest!!!

sometimes u just gotta shake your head!!!VENTING!!!

i work at a casino and we happen to be finishing building a 500+million new casino. well upon completion a ramp collasped and fell into the water. there were workers working on the ramp and many jumped in the water for fear of being crushed and some jumped in to save people.

well as the casino put out a statement they say there were minor injuries one man was sent to the hospital with shoulder pains and many others had cuts and bruises. at the end of all this they end with saying, but the boat is still schedualed to open. WHAT THE FUCK!!! people could have been seriously hurt or killed and all they can think about is not forgeting to say that it will open. it justs make me so sick!!! the world can really be a greedy place and it seems all they think about his sitting on their rich ass' and getting richer!!! who cares who gets hurt in the process!!! is this really what the world has come to? i'm really shaking my head in disgust!!!!

then they sit and tell us a way the casino can make an extra 3-4 million a year. and i'm thinking why tell us that? we won't see even a third of that money. is that really supposed to motivate us? if anything it pisses me off even more!!! i'm just making money for a company who can't even get me some insurance who can cover IVF if i ever needed it!!! i'm just so pissed!!! ARRRGGGG!!!

cramping

oh boy it feels like af but i know its to early for that. i'm cd 20 and 8dpiui. i'm in so much pain. and my lower back is sore to the touch. is this normal? i really hope so!!! i didn't have cramps this bad last cycle or this early. please God let this be implantation cramping. please God protect my baby!!! i believe its happening right now!!! so if it is implantation cramping go ahead lil baby and implant as deep as you can. get nice and snug!!! MY MIRACLE IS IN PROGRESS!!!

The Waiting Game!!!

Boy does this waiting suck!!! well 1w down 1w to go!!! i can do it i can make it right? so i'm having some light cramps today. implantation? i hope so.

i had a dream last night that i was swimming and i could actually breath underwater. so i looked it up on the internet and it says some women in there first trimester have dreams of water and swimming. i know i'm reaching but i'll take anything to keep my hopes up!!! i'm praying for a miracle. i just keep thinking how i will feel if its positive? omg i don't know what i'd do. oh what if its negative? i'd probably cry and be very sad since i wouldn't be able to try again til june 2009 when hubby gets back from afganistan. wow that's such a long time i'm tearing up just thinking about it!!! ok skip that i'm gonna stay positive!!! this is my time!!! and its gonna be positive!!!my miracle is in progress!!!

Back to work!!!

all right its time, back to work for me!!! its been fun, i've been off for 2 weeks and i needed every bit of it. but its time to make the donuts lol my vacation ended up working out great becasue i was able to get my iui and not worry about going to work afterwards. so excited about the 29th(my beta). of course i'll probably test before then i just really hope its a BFP!!! i've prayed and prayed now all i can do is thank God for what he's about to do!!! Thank You Jesus for our baby!!! sending myself BFP vibes, sticky vibes and doubling vibes!!! ok so on to work, hopefully people will have forgotten i told them i was trying and i wont have to hear "are you pregnant yet?" i hate that question mainly because when i do get ku i won't be telling anyone at work til the end of my 1st trimester. but its my own fault for opening my big mouth lol Thank You God for my Mircale in Progress!!!

iui

iui went smoothly. better than i thought it would be. i didn't feel anything but the speculum. that was so easy!!! the nurse had me lean on my right side for 10 mins. we were trying to make the sprem go to the right tube. lol and right after i began to have o pains woohoo perfect timing i'm praying everything continues to work out good. i go for my beta on 7/29 so now i'm in the 2ww. its gonna be hard to wait that long but i just know its gonna be positive!!! i'm praying it is!!! also being silly me when i got home i took a dollar store hpt to make sure i did my shot right, cause it hurt so bad and as soon as i pulled out needle i was bleeding bad, and there it was another line so that made me feel good that i didn't mess up the hcg shot. well i'm on my way to my BFP!!! i believe that God is gonna answer all my prayers and this is gonna happen. nick's already like tell the twins i love them. my hubby is so sweet!!! i hated he couldn't be hear damn army!!! on to 2ww and watching for symptoms!!! MY MIRACLE IS IN PROGRESS!!!

ouch

dammit i just hurt myself giving myself the trigger i think i pushed it in to far. i started bleeding when i took it out plus it hurt really bad afterwards ouch!!! hopefully that was pain of success!!! My miracle in progress!!!

woohooo

ok so i just got back from dr. appt. i'm on cd 11 and already i had 2 mature eggs on my right ovary yeah!!! 21x21 and 20x17. my left ovary had 18x21 and 12x12. i know God is working already. Thank You God for putting my mature follies on my right side. Thank You Jesus!!! so i give myself the trigger tonight and i go for my iui @ 8am tomorrow morning. i'm so excited!!!God is good and its gonna happen this cycle i can feel it. Its in God's hands and he's working it out for me right now as i type. My miracle is in progress!!!

just wondering

what would it feel like to actually get a BFP? wow i can't even imagine how I'd handle that. being me I'd probably test a million times to make sure they all said BFP!!! what would it feel like to carry a baby inside of me? sometimes I'll go into crazy Tina mode and I'll rub my stomach like there's something in there. wow imagine if there was? i would just be besides myself. what would it feel like to actually give birth? wouldn't that be amazing, giving birth to a little life that's made from love. i swear i would love that baby so much!!! oh to hold your baby in your arms after all that we've been through, that would just be a miracle!!!

praying that soon i will feel, what i can only imagine about right now, everything that goes along with becoming pregnant, carrying a child, and holding them in your arms after it all. if all this up and down craziness with infertility drugs gives me that kind of happy ending it will be well worth the pain and the expense!!! God Thank You for my miracle in advance!!! God work with these meds and bless me with a child!!!

jon and kate plus eight

i swear i envy them. i know ppl look and dread having that many children at once but i think they make such a cute and fun family. i would love to have that many children but at the rate i'm going i'd settle for just 1. who am i kidding when i have 1 i know i'm gonna want more. i just think its so cool to have such a big family like that. if i could afford it i swear i would. maybe not all six at once but eventually work myself up to it. and i was reading the amazing part is she did iui not ivf. if it can happen for her it can happen for me! didn't say if she was on injectables but pretty sure that wasn't just clomid. or maybe it was idk. can't wait to have my show "tina and nick plus six" tried to make it rhyme. lol

different

so this cycle is alot different than last cycle. last cycle i had cramps within 2 days of taking the clomid and i mean bad cramps that lasted the rest of my cycle. this cycle i had mild cramps after first pill and nothing since. kinda relieved that i'm not in pain. but i would like to be feeling something. last cycle i had 4 mature follicles. i would love to have the same this cycle on my right side of course. i keep reminding myself i turned it over to Jesus, he'll work it out. one more day of clomid then i have my first u/s on friday. can't wait to see how many there are. after that they usually schedual me 2 days later for another u/s then trigger. i can't wait i'm so excited about this cycle. its gonna happen i believe it. MIRACLE IN PROGRESS!!!

clomid and so much hope!!!

ok so tonite was my first pill of my second round of clomid!!! woohoo grow follies grow. just to be clear grow on the right side not the left!!!(if u didn't know left tube is blocked) i'm so excited about this cycle i really believe our miracle is gonna happen this cycle. i know its gonna happen i believe in it, i trust God so know i'm thanking him in advance for our lil miracle!! THANK YOU JESUS!!!

clomid, clomid, just took my 1st pill 3 hrs ago and i'm already cramping. i had cramps really bad last cycle so i'm prepared because i know at the end of all this i'll have to endure alot more pain than this and i welcome it. i'm excited about morning sickness,i know i'm crazy. i'm excited about getting bigger and watching our lil miracle grow inside me. i excited to give birth. i just feel so good about this cycle. clomid worked very well last cycle, 4 mature follies they were just on the wrong ovary lol but this cycle is the one. i can feel it. i just sit and smile because i'm not worried at all this is meant to be and this is God's will. Jesus take the wheel!!!!! me and nick are gonna have our BFP soon i believe in it, and shall come to pass!!! THANK YOU JESUS FOR OUR BABY!!!

i miss my husband

so here's my story, my hubby is in the army and last tuesday he left for a 1 year deployment. he's in training for two months then he gets a 4 day leave then off he goes over seas. today i just broke down while i was driving home. just really hit me that my baby is gonna be gone for a whole year. i miss him so much already and its only been a week. what am i gonna do for a whole year? that man is my rock, i don't know what i'm gonna do without him. we've got this last cycle to get pregnant, we froze his sperm, if not we'll have to wait til next june when he gets home. damn a whole year he'll be 30 the next time i see him God i hope this year flies by i miss him so much already what's it gonna be like in a couple of months i think i'll be crazy!!!