round two begans

today was a good day haven't been thinking about bfn too much excpt when someone asks me at work and i gotta say, "no not this time" began spotting this evenning i'm happy this starts the beginning of my next BFP cycle. yes i prayed and i believe its gonna happen and its gonna happen this cycle i know it. i trust God and believe, he is a miracle worker and a prayer answerer. i'm just so excited i feel like everything is gonna work out according to his plan. I BELIEVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ever just feel like it never gonna happen/praying

so this morning i received the bad news my beta was a BFN. sad thing is i expected it. i've been trying so long i just don't see it ever happening. its like no matter what i do it will all be invain.

just sat today and wondered is God trying to tell me something? iam i not meant to be a mother, am i not good enough. i've been praying for almost 2 years and its just like are you listening? can u hear me? will my prayer ever get answered? all i want is to raise a family with my husband is that too much to ask. i just want a baby. why hasn't it happened?
pcos, blocked left tube why did this happen to me. none of the women in my family have these problems. why me?

my mom keeps telling me to stay positive, trust God don't limit what u think God can do. but its getting so hard. i'm just beginning to feel so tired and worn out. listen to a sermon one day and the pastor said sometimes u have to fall on your face and cry out to God. well hear i am God I'm falling on my face crying out to you!!!! i need you, i need u to strengthen me, i need hope, i need a miracle!!!

sometimes i just wish i didnt want it so bad. but i do i can't get over it i want me and nick to be parents. i wanna be someone's mommie i want nick to be a dad. just seems like what i want doesn't matter.

please Lord i ask you right now in the name of Jesus bless my husband and i with a child, Lord bless my womb, my ovaries, my tubes, my eggs, my lining heal me lord from the inside bless this barren body of mine. Lord please bless my body to welcome new life, bless my heart, my spirit, my mind. please Lord! i ask you this on this night on june 29th at 1:10am. please Lord bless us with a child i believe it to be true, i believe u can do it. i believe you hear me when i cry thank lord in advance amen.

lost my sample

so my blood test i took thursday suddenly dissappeared. doc said either the lab can't find it or they never picked it up from the office. how the hell could that happen i'm so upset. and to top it off no one called to tell me this i had to call the office like 3x then finally page the doc himself. they were just gonna have me wait for days with no answer and that makes me upset the most. i need to be updated when it comes to important things not left out the circle until they figure out what to do doc says i should know by tomorrow but i'm not holding my breath!!! ok feel better letting it out hopefully all this waiting leads to me being pregnant that would be just the miracle i need right now!!!

what a day

man, what a day i had. woke u for work this morning everything was fine. left a little later than i wanted but i was cool cause i'm a speeder. so i get in the car and start it up except it won't start damn i left my lights on and now my battery was dead. easy to fix right? wrong i couldn't find the jumper cables damn again. so i can't call off work anytime soon i have 10 points and we get 12 until u're canned. so i had to drive my hubby's car easy enough right? wrong we haven't renewed his plates because we can't pass the emissions test even though we've taken it to the shop like 3x the engine light still keeps coming back on. so now i have to dodge the police to work. but that's not it i noticed one of his tires is almost flat damn again so now i gotta drive 2mph to the duke of oil to get the tires filled with air. damn i'm gonna be late and lose my job and the only reason i'm working there is b/c i like the insurance and it does pay kinda well but it still sucks lol so anyway after all that i get to work and because of this clomid i get on my table and sweat is falling from my face like its a rain cloud over my head. i was so damn hot, damn again after that everything went back to my normal boring days until i got off work and had to hide from the police to get home. well its over now time for a new start whew!!!

the waiting game-venting

cd 27 and i'm still waiting i have my doc appt on thursday. jumped the gun and tested yesterday got a BFN, i was so mad even though i knew there was a good chance it wouldn't work this cycle, seeing that all my mature eggs were on the blocked tube side.

my hubby just left yesterday for training then afganistan i feel so alone right now. we froze his sperm so i could try 1 more month and if it doesn't happen i'll just have to wait till next year when he gets back home. i miss him so much already.

i'm on this progesterone i'm so tired of this shit leaking everywhere yuck i just wanna be pregnant is that too much to ask? been trying for over a year and a half i'm just getting so tired of going through all the motions.

God help me cause i'm losing my mind

back post june 22, 2008

cd 23 spotting this morning when i woke up also felt sick at work woohoo this could be the cycle

back post june 16, 2008

ok so i took that hcg shot cd 14 and since then its about cd18 i'm so very sore around my ovaries my back hurts and it feels like i'm getting uti i hate those so i've been drinking lots of water. nick made a nick name for our 4 mature eggs. he calls them our "lil cuatros" he's so funnny he makes everything so much better. hopefully it worked this cycle i hope so just thought i'd jot down my symptoms. feeling hopeful its in God's hands!!!

back post june 13,2008

just started my first round of fertility treatments. i did clomid for 5-9 days starting on cd-5. i had an u/s on cd 12 follicle gowth but they weren't big enough(june 10) next unltrasound was on cd 14(june 12) had four mature follicles woohoo but opps their on the side with the blocked tube booo. so i take my hcg trigger shot anyway at 2pm been having lights cramps on right side. hopefully my eggs will sweep to the other side please God i hope so!!! now i'm waiting to o please God let it happen this cycle please!!!